Tag Twitter

Everyone wants to be sure to say things to guarantee they won’t be retweeted!  Well, here a breakdown of top items to guarantee YOU won’t get retweeted!

#10 – Be a douche!   We’ve all met the guy who frankly is a douche! You’ve seen his tweets! If you ever see an @ conversation with him and someone else you know it is obviously a typo!   He’s all about him-him-him! He clearly puts the TWIT into Twitter!    So rise up, take action and be sure to talk all about your new SEO techniques to make you millions, only $59.99 today!

#9 – Treat people like an idiot!    You’re all self important, you’re never wrong, so why change that personality once you get on twitter! I’m sure you and your 129 followers are loving your candid and quirky little ways, when even when proven and cited wrong with reference able material you continue down your track record of “Well, they’re just idiots!”

#8 – Ask people to retweet your lame tweet!     You definitely have a message to deliver, even if that message is “I must have 1000 followers by Tuesday, so please retweet my senseless plea for help!”   Far from it from me to suggest you obtain a personality and engage in conversation or sharing of information, definitely reach out to the RT-o-sphere!

#7 – Constantly start fights on twitter     I know we were having a conversation, but now I want to be rude and find something to fight about! Retweet me calling you bad names, yea!

#6 – Complain about how Twitter is getting too big!    You can’t help but complain! If it’s not that Twitter is growing too fast, it’s that it’s down today, you have an API limit, you’re following 2000 people and you cannot follow anyone else!  You’re going to switch to identi.ca today! Damnit, Twitter is like Facebook, or isn’t enough like Facebook! I MISS FRIENDFEED!

#5 – Be Racist on Twitter      Wow! You’ve sure reached a new level of engagement! Let’s take our own shallow selves and put it out to a mass of readers and listeners so we can appear ignorant on a global scale!   Racism wasn’t cool in person, and it’s even less cool when put into a social media context.   Let’s take it up a notch and get over your insecurities.

#4 – Talk about Tea Parties in every tweet     Yea, we get it.  You’re upset about something, and now you’ve decided to back a social movement which involves an idea of our founding fathers, but not taking into account the modern social meaning of the term ‘tea bagging’ and then you further don’t understand why we laugh when you talk about it?    Welcome to the internets!

#3 – Talk about your new ebook which will guarantee you thousands of followers on Twitter!   Hey, I opt’d to look at your profile instead of your ebook first, turns out you have 39 followers. WTF? Where is your credibility? If your $59.99 ebook works so well, why don’t you have more than a hand full of followers as you’re promoting?  That’s as good as the Hobo’s guide to CEO operations.

#2 – Be an unfunny contrarian    Hey, be a contrarian, I’m definitely game for that as I like taking an alternative position with an intelligent perspective on it.  But if you’re going to be contrary, at least be funny while you’re doing it.   You might even earn a retweet out of the deal!

And last but not least! Infact the number one way to guarantee you won’t get a retweet on twitter…!

#1 – If you don’t retweet me I’ll unfollow you!    Yea, I get it.   The very fabric of the universe rests upon whether this particular tweet is RT’d by me where I am.  I woke up to see I was unfollowed by the masses throughout the night because while I slept, I wasn’t auto-retweeting your hilarious antics of racist douchey contrarian bitching about the Tea Party failing to be understood by the “Idiots” in america.  IF I COULD ONLY BE ON O’REILLY FACTOR ALL OF THE PROBLEMS OF TWITTER WOULD BE SOLVED.

Yea, I get it.

Now, I encourage you to go out there, and Retweet away! And if you’re retweeting folks like above, be sure to let them know you’ve done them a special service!  And if you’re not or you feel there are even more appropriate ways and reasons someone shouldn’t be retweeted, pass that on as well!

I’m sure you heard the news! Twitter was DOWN!? Denial of Service attack which crippled Twitter, LJ, Facebook and more!

re: Serious Twitter Outage Ongoing, Denial Of Service Attack (Updated)

What really affected me in this outrage are all the poor countless souls who lost their lives as a result of this dramatic service outage.

Yes, you know what I’m talking about.  

All the poor helpless plants which expect their owners to water them when they tweet.   What if you were on life support and the only means of informing a nurse you needed food, antibiotics or pain reducers was twitter? YOU’D BE DEAD TOO!

Next time you think about Twitter, it’s more than just a communication medium.  It is a lifeline for the very beings who provide us clean oxygen in this world! My Oak Tree out front twitters me regularly, though he keeps retweeting Guy Kawasaki so I’m not sure what’s up with that!

So, you’ve been using twitter for awhile, infact you may have even used How to mass unfollow or follow people on Twitter .. and more! and found the tools to be just absolutely amazing! until.. your cumulative follower/following exceeded 10k, and found the tools to break, oh my!

Well, once you’ve exceeded 10k and want to keep growing (Yea I know who you are!) welcome a new tool! Yes, while Huitter and others give you a nice ‘whackamole’ mentality to unfollow everyone, let’s take it up a notch with.. Tweepular!

It’s broken down into a few key areas most of which have features like Bulk Follow or unfollow!

It’s all driven by checkboxes… so you can bulk-checkbox them all and unselect the ones you want, then hit Go!  It’s rightly proper and amazing and very colorful, oh my!

I suggest you give it a try today! “Srsly Guiz” said the lolcat, so it’s lolcat approved! Tweepular!

Hey, I use Twitter, you use Twitter right? Want to follow us on the Career Express and beyond on Twitter? me thinks you’ve come to the right place! Stay tuned for impromptu tweetups!

You ever wake up to look at your tweet and come across this type of completely insincere DM?

This would be great if my name were infact John, but it isn’t.  And this is sheer spam!

Well, @jesse has taken SocialToo to a new level by taking responsibility to not promote the sending of DM Spam.  As Twitter grows at the exponential rates it is, vehicles to manage this relationship between real sincere users and fake autobots had to be taken somewhere.   I’m glad to see Jesse step up on this issue.   @louisgray has great coverage of this as well, as an advisor to the Socialtoo team and other boards, his knowledge and skill really provides context for these type of situations.

One of the greatest pieces of this, is as Jesse puts it:

In addition, starting today, while you will no longer have need for blocking SocialToo users’ automated DMs, we encourage you to invite all your friends to come check the same option you were using to block SocialToo DMs, and we’ll block other sites that do automated-dms. If you provide your Twitter username and password (this is required because other services require it – it will be via OAuth in the near future) and check the box, “Turn off automatic Direct Messages from other services?“, we’ll set you up to block DMs from as many services that do this as we can, automatically.

So, if you don’t like to get Auto-DM Spam, whether it WAS from Socialtoo, or from other third party services – subscribing to SocialToo, a responsible social service is the way to go.

I wish you all the best on this, and John you can remove your own Bubble of Spam like this ;)