All posts by Christopher Kusek (PKGuild)

Hopefully this blog post finds you well!   Here I am… 37,000 feet (Okay, I have no idea how high I’m up, I’ve had my headphones on the entire time :))

Several curious questions often come up among the community, friends, peers and associates.

• WHERE ARE YOU GOING ALL THE TIME?
• Why haven’t you been writing about the things you’ve been working on!!!
• When are you going to come to MY city?! I am a (Customer, Partner, Community Member, Friend, Ninja)
• What do you listen to while in the air?!
• Why don’t you stay at Hilton, I LOVE it there (Okay, no one actually says they LOVE it ;))

So in an effort to honor all of your questions and beyond, here goes! :)

WHERE ARE YOU GOING ALL THE TIME?!

That’s an EXCELLENT Question!   I’ll work my way backwards for your benefit, starting with where I am right now.   At the moment I’m on a flight from Chicago to Vancouver for a 2 day workshop with a customer.  Exciting stuff, right?   Yea, it is exciting! This is actually a project I got involved with my FIRST week on the job, and it’s finally coming to Fruition! [And you know how us vegans like Fruit! :)] I won’t go into details of exactly what we’re doing, but it’s all about Architectural and Business Transformation which will have impacts far reaching above and beyond the data center. So pretty exciting, right?!

Just a few weeks ago I was involved in a pretty transformational Vblock related discussion while in LA which will involve a combination of tools you’ve heard Chad and others (including me) discuss in the past, so I won’t digress too much, but it’s going to be pretty damn exciting!

Jump to the week before and a rockstars dream of an EBC, which kicked off with Go-Kart racing [Resulting in me winning… Oops! Picture is on Facebook ;)] and then a full day of IT Transformation discussions; I don’t even have to tell you just how exciting those kinds of conversations tend to get.   Fortunately while out in Hopkinton I got to spend a little time with Chuck Hollis where we discussed our pasts, futures and something which will be the fodder for not only an OMFG YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME blog post, but also a book which I know ALL of you are asking for; Publishers get at me and you can get first right of refusal ;)     That very same week I headed off to NYC (Hey, I was like, 5 minutes away!) for some internal meetings followed by what were GOING to be customer meetings.   Unfortunately the unnamed customer I was going to meet at… was severely impacted by the Occupy Wall street Movement making it effectively impossible to have that meeting happen.  I guess you can call that #OWSFail ;)

I didn’t travel during the week of Halloween, because I’m not CRAZY. Who does that to themselves?!   However, that is also because I was just returning home after some insane amount of time on the road between the Alpha class of the new ITaaS Offering, the trip to India [blog post coming;)] and Singapore.    So, I was a little tired and justifiably so! [Honestly, months later STILL working on getting over my Jet Lag which has been keeping me up til 6am every day!]

And then heading all the way back to September, on the heels of VMworld in Vegas, I spent a lot of time in Memphis, and a little time in Detroit and LA for Customer meetings.   In all though, it was quite the way to kick off the new role if you ask me!

So in summation; for those wondering, where am I going?  Almost exclusively, to meet with Customers (Like you)    I am Geo-Preferred so I do like to visit as many customers at a time in the same proximity if I can accomplish it!   If that’s you, let me know… Let’s transform your sHtuff ;)

Why haven’t you been writing about these things?!?!

Well, if there’s one thing you should know about me is certain activities wax and wane.   But the real truth of the matter is; I’m still collecting it all to come to some ultimate OMG moment to share with you.   You can read the tweets if you want to know what is going on Interactively.  But when it comes to something you’ll derive some awesome value from; yea, that is where the blog posts will ROCK it out! :)

Also, another reason I haven’t been writing the blog posts is because I’ve been busy playing Starcraft… err, I mean I was finishing writing my first book on Virtualization – VMware vSphere 5 Administration Instant Reference, with Co-authors Van V. Van Noy, and Andy Daniel.    Now that it is done, I’m not saying I have “more” writing time, because I’m also currently working on VMware vSphere 5 Performance: Solving CPU, Memory, Storage and Networking Issues, so … a cats work is never done! ;)   Oh, and did I mention I’ve been traveling a bit?!?! :)   You’ll get a massive dump of material so much you’ll be wishing I went dark for longer ;)

One additional thing is, I also spend the time between the time working on my plans for 2012, and the constant moving target it may become, so bear with me, it is all for the good, and even more for the best! :)

When are you coming to MY City?

I don’t know.  When am I?    Honestly, you can always reach out to your Account Team, CSD, VMUG Leader, vSpecialists, My boss @vCTO, Me (cc’ing many of those mentioned ;)) etc!   Seriously, I am all in favor to work with you on your next transformational journey taking the advantages and discussions I’ve been having with organizations I’m directly changing and beyond and making that level of impact.   I wonder if I can squeeze in a book tour somewhere in there *giggle :)*   But really the keys are in your hands, just ask for it!    You’ll be seeing some major epic things which I’ve been working on with Chuck, the organization and the community which is going to leave you breathless.    So let’s start planning for 2012, shall we? :)

What do you listen to while in the air?

I know you Audiophiles out there are interested in this, oh and the other ones of you who want to stand in judgment of me, no, of me.    To be honest at the moment I’m listening to Avril’s latest album Goodbye Lullaby; Ironic as I travel up to Canada right? I mean it was potentially going to be Bare Naked Ladies ;)

Though in no particular order, what I will listen to *a lot* and pretty much on every single flight, and often in the hotel is

• Taylor Swift’s Speak Now Album
• Various tracks or entire albums of Taylor Swifts
• Pink Floyd
• Molly Marlette
• Katy Perry
• Erasure (I have the entire discography so it’s random)
• Bare Naked Ladies
• The Smiths and some Morrissey on occasion

My playlist isn’t too comprehensive as far as what it sync’d to my iPhone/iPad, the rest of the musics I enjoy while on the ground via Pandora with such classic stations as

• Matchbox 20 Station (Which plays a lot of good parallel stuff… you should definitely check it out!)
• What the Hell radio (Many influences of Avril, Demi Lovato [Who I gained greater appreciation and respect after she came out of Rehab!]
• Kelly Clarkson Radio
• Weird Al Radio
• 80’s Dance Music
• Lady Gaga (For some Gaga and Britney!)

And ofcourse I’ll watch all of my various TV shows like Gossip Girl and other things I regularly catch up on! But I think that’s enough of that! :)

And out of the kindness of my own heart… I will not share the Epic Hilton fail with you… At this time.

But I hope this helps give you a little hint and highlight into the adventures I am pursuing in this wicked wondrous game of helping IT Transformation take it’s hold upon the Enterprise, the Industry and our very own beings.    Like I said… you’re going to be BLOWN AWAY by some of the blog posts I have queued up to show you!  So stay tuned! :)

You ever been there in a job interview where they might ask (the often contrived) “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”  While I have honestly answered “Celebrating the 5 year anniversary of you asking me this question – Mitch Hedberg” , that doesn’t mean I do not have a ‘serious’ plan; something often overlooked by many who feel stuck and caught in the roles they pursue unable to see beyond the day let alone 5 years or beyond.

It is with no further adieu however, that I inform you I am currently *3* years into my 5 year plan, and I am ON TARGET and ON PATH!

Disclaimer: While I am indeed 3 years into my 5 year plan, I am –4- months into my new role, yea this post was LONG waited ;)

Introducing my new role: Global Cloud & Virtualization Lead, EMC Consulting

Disclaimer: I just call it Global Virtualization Lead because Cloud is waaaaay over used! :)

I know some of you might be saying the following:

• Err, I thought you were already doing that.
• DONT YOU WORK FOR CHAD?
• I THOUGHT YOU WERE A vSPECIALIST
• CAN YOU HELP ME WITH MY COMPUTER IT DOESN’T BOOT WHEN i BARK AT IT.

Yea, or something to that effect. I get that; but the fact of the matter is, I have recently changed roles (August 1st to be exact) and I’ve been busy planning things like #CXIParty and working in the role to actually write this blog post.   I didn’t want you to feel left out and I wanted to share with you some details of what this means for me, you, a ninja named gerald; all of that!

EMC has a Consulting Org?!?

Yea,  can you believe it?  More than just a consulting org but one with a fairly extensive portfolio helping drive major transformation in businesses big and small around the world.    Wow that almost sounds like a pitch, but no. It’s not, but THIS IS! (giggle, no I’m just kidding ;))

I am very fortunate to join this organization and to lead a team of some *extremely* sharp architects, engineers, consultants; VERY Smart people who get technology, business and strategy; All the sauce which makes really cool things possible!    Allow me to help break it down for you a little bit, because… I feel like I’m constantly re-figuring some things out at times so I continue to move in those directions of Yay… :)

For the most part, EMC Consulting is broken up into a few key groupings.   

• Application Infrastructure (Things like App Migrations from Notes->Exchange/Sharepoint, AD Consolidation, AppV/VDI
• A2D2 (App/Dev on .Net, Portal Development on Sharepoint, vFabric, Java/J2EE, Windows Azure, App Testing, etc
• CVDC (Cloud & Virtual Data Center is broken up in to several discrete components)
• Consolidation (Datacenter Transformation, Strategy, Migration, Re-Architecture, Decommissioning)
• Cloud and Virtualization [Hey, that’s me! :)] (Virtual Infrastructure Rapid Transformation, P2V Factories, Operational Readiness, Strategy, etc)
• IT Service Management [ITSM] (IT Service Catalogs, Financial Modeling, ITaaS Transformation)
• Network (Network Design and Consolidation)

There are also other groups which I’m not including here (This is not intended to be a COMPREHENSIVE COMMERCIAL for EMC Consulting) but instead focused more so on my team and what *I* do. Yea, I’m vain like that.

Interestingly though across my team within the CVDC we have a series of solutions and offerings which provide significant overlap.  Which means we work together on a *lot* of things, and let me tell you.   These are some total ROCKSTARS to work with.   Both within the Leadership and to the highest and lowest ranks of the organization.   Which if you know anything about me, rockstardom = yay!

That being the case we’re working on a lot of cross-competency overlap items which are huge today and will also be even further transformational come 2012 (For those of you who are not so familiar with what they may be! :))  A popular item which we’ve spent a fair amount of time working is this little tool called Vblock, maybe you’ve heard of it.   But more than simply being a chunk of hardware, we take it to the Nth degree in scary cool proportions.    Think ‘massive chunk of metal which theoretically can transform your organization’ and add to it the whole depth and breadth of refined methodologies driven by experts in industry to Functionalize, Operationalize, Portalize and Deliver with a clear and conducive Go To Market strategy! (Though not Goat to Market!)

This my dear friends is merely the TIP of the Iceberg, but it has been a ROCKSTAR Journey so far and that journey is going to continue WELL into 2012.

Where has this role taken you so far?

I know a number of you follow my Foursquare history among any other number of Services out there where you see WHAT I’m doing and WHERE I am.     Here is a basic sampling of some of the places I’ve been since I took on this new role.  I’ll also try to do this Chronologically. :)   This is also just part of the journey.   This will continue.  Oh and FYI.  With proper justification and good reason…  I could always visit you (if you’re a customer ;)) If there’s a User Group or something you’d like me to attend as well, so long as I can get a meeting in the area I could probably attend! :)

• Hartford, Connecticut
• Las Vegas (VMworld! :))
• Detroit, Michigan
• Memphis, Tennessee
• Los Angeles, California
• Franklin, Massachusetts
• Bangalore, India (With Stopovers in Frankfurt, Germany; and Dubai – but only in the airport)
• Singapore (With a return stop over for an hour in Japan)
• Boston, Massachusetts
• New York City, New York

Where will the future take me? I already know I’ll be going to the following

• Seattle (Well, Redmond) Washington
• Vancouver, Canada
• Kansas City (I’m not sure Kansas or Missouri ;))
• And who knows where else for the rest of the year.

So as you can probably tell … Yea, you’ll see a whole series on “Optimal Traveling tools” and further tips and tricks beyond my recent “Accelerate Intl Travel and Airport tips to avoid getting fondled by the TSA!” post I put out! :)

What to expect from you in this new role

I know that some of you are still waiting for my Career Blog Post, 2012 Predictions, Details on your Book coming out Dec 6th, EMC Consulting Exposed, and any other number of blog posts which you can clearly know and expect.  Yea, that’ll be coming.  As will also my break out to my trip to India where I introduce you to my India Team! And my local North America – where I introduce you to them too! :)

And now, so I don’t have an excuse to PUT publishing this off any more. I’m going to run with it.  You can find out the rest later, Cats off to ya! :)

I’ve written on this subject a number of different times (See bottom of post for all of the various links on this matter!)    However what I am going to share here has been not a secret per se, I just never got around to SHARING how to do it, as I was busy actually USING it as a tool! OMG, right?!

Disclaimer: The following tool is FREE for 1000 Unfollows PER DAY. It cannot be used for Following FOR FREE.  Which is why I manually follow back using the twitter.com Webpage. It’s monotonous and slow as hell, but it is what I do!   But at least there is an answer to the unfollow!

BEGIN THE MASS UNFOLLOW ON THE TWITTER! :)

It all starts with logging in to the ManageFlitter Website.

These three steps run so inline it’s so simple! Click “Start” choose to “Connect to Twitter” which sets up an Auth against your acct with creds, and then it pulls in the database of who you are following and who is following you.  VERY SIMPLE. Basically mindless.

Then it provides a list of various categories.   If you want to unfollow people NOT following you, then simply select that category (defaulted) and go and CHECK the boxes of people you want to unfollow.   Wow, it’s that simple! Then simple choose “Unfollow selected” and you’re DONE!

BUT WAIT! THERE’s MORE!!!

Twitter “Rules” dictate that they cannot give you a “Check all boxes” option or else this would be so much easier. But in the effort of CHEATING, I advise you download a tool like “CheckFox” which will allow you to Check ALL of the boxes on the webpage [Up to 100 per page] and mass-unfollow those 100.

Then simply rinse-repeat and go from page to page to page until you’ve either unfollowed everyone you want to, or you’ve hit your 1000 limit for the day.

Either way, this has MASSIVELY cut what it takes to unfollow. Yay, right?   But it’s not limited to who isn’t following you.  You can choose people who’ve NEVER tweeted if you want, or who have no profile picture, or are TOO Active or INACTIVE. (I’d fall into the  “Too Active” category! ;)

There isn’t a whole lot more to add to this.  It’s clear, succinct, and straight forward :) If you know of OTHER tools like this which are as easy and free, mention it!   And if you have follow-back tools, mention them! I’ve stopped looking!

Links:

How to mass follow and unfollow on twitter FOR FREE?!?!?

How to mass follow and unfollow on twitter: over 10k club!

How to mass unfollow or follow people on Twitter .. and more!

I was talking with the infamous Steve Kaplan @roidude about travel after he mentioned getting a “Checkpoint Friendly” approved TSA Bag!

So knowing he has a tendency to travel, as I know a number of you do as well, I asked if he was familiar with the “Trusted Traveler” program.   And as more and more of you are not familiar with Trusted Traveler or the GOES Program, I think it’s time to shout it out from the mountain tops! Time for the scoop!

Welcome to Global Entry

You ever re-enter the US after a long time away, or even only a few days and you get to the Customs and Immigrations lines and it looks like that photo above.   It’s a pretty normal sight, it HAPPENS, and now for the next 30-60 minutes you’re going to stand in line to answer a few questions so you can go pick up your bag from the baggage claim and then have to enter ANOTHER line looking almost identical to this one!

Well, On my recent return to the US from Asia… this is what I was awaited

“What?! Seriously!?” Yes. Let me walk you through this.    I walk down this long path and line with a bunch of people all categorizing themselves into various lines, and instead of going into those lines I walk up to a computer terminal like this.   I put my Passport on the thing to read, and press firmly 4 of my fingers onto the Biometric scanner.   Then I answer several Customs form type questions as presented on the screen and I’m presented with a piece of paper to bring to the Immigration line.    If my print-out had an “X” on it, I’d have to go through special screening at the check point, but if it doesn’t (usually) then I simply go to my line which has NO ONE in it, hand them the paper and my passport and walk on through to pick up my luggage.

I know what you’re saying “WTF?! YOU JUST WALKED ON PAST?!?!?” Yea. but wait, there’s more!    At this point, I have to wait for my luggage to come out of the baggage claim (If I was traveling in a short amount of time I’d carry on everything but this was Asia so I checked a massive bag for my 2 week trip)

This was the part which totally SOLD me on this!   With my bag in hand, I go and to the “Global Entry” line, which is right next to the line where Pilots and Stewardesses stand in.  All around me are lines with hundreds of people back, and my line is ME. Where they take me BEFORE THE PILOTS! OMG OMG OMG right?!?   And then.. I’m done! I’m home free! YAY!!!!! What happened there? I shaved anywhere from 30-90 minutes off of my time spent standing in lines and dealing with trouble.   And it could be even MORE time depending upon how many flights get in at the very same time!

What does it take to JOIN the Global Entry Program?

Allow me to walk you through what it took for me to get into this program!   I was in Los Angeles at a meeting when I first heard about this program and all of the various successes of it decided to go check it out!   I went online to the Global Entry website and clicked “Apply Today”  I filled out this lengthy questionnaire of various facts about myself, things I needed to confirm and validate (Passport # was a challenge since I didn’t have it with me, but I found my PP# saved in an email from getting VISAs) So then I finished all of the steps involved, and paid $100 for the application.  This is a non-reimbursable amount, if for whatever reason I was rejected [Block against me as a citizen, seen as a threat, felony or warrants, etc] I’d basically lose that $100 bucks!

About a week later I receive an email that I was ‘approved’ in the background check it offered and to schedule my in-person Interview.   Initially I book my interview for a Friday morning in Boston (Because I was in Boston and heading back to Chicago) but not knowing my way around that airport I decided to reschedule it for the following afternoon in Chicago.    Oh, when I rescheduled it was 3hrs before I was flying to Frankfurt, so I not only was I going to be going out of the country but having this ‘benefit’ would totally rock when coming back INTO the country. What happened next surprised even ME!

The Interview Process

I arrive at my Interview in the Homeland Security Office of CBP (Customs Border Patrol) at the O’Hare International Airport.   I’m early, they do not take me early though.  My appointment is for 3:00PM (I arrived at 2:30PM) They take me at my appointed time.    Taken back into the Interview area, it’s me and a Homeland Security officer.   She asks me questions about information I filled out in my application, and validates it against information I have.    The paperwork says I need to bring paystubs and other proofs of address and residence.  In this case, my Passport and my Drivers License were good enough, so my other pieces of information went unused.    The questions are in no way incriminating and are VERY straight forward.   She takes my passport and places a CBP sticker in the back of the passport book.   This lets the CBP know who I am, and approves me for entry.   The RFID tag inside of my Passport is cataloged into the system, and then they take a picture of me for Nexus/SENTRI (The card of which says “Trusted Traveler” on it).  During this process she takes my finger prints using this digital fingerprinting device.   After all of that is settled, she takes me over to one of those computers like I have in the pictures above, and I test it by answering questions just like I’d normally encounter when entering the country.  It properly scans my passport and confirms my finger prints are mine and not someone else’s.    And then it prints out a piece of paper and I’m done!    She informs me that I should receive my Nexus/SENTRI card in the mail but that is only for GROUND Transport, but once I return back into the states I’m done and can proceed through the Global Entry lanes! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!

Takeaways

• I paid $100 for an online application process
• This handles background checks, categorization and validating you are in fact not a ‘threat’.  Most business travelers fall into this category
• Within a week I was able to schedule an interview
• IMMEDIATELY following the Interview I was registered and available to RE-ENTER the country under Global Entry (Valid for 5 years)
• This INCLUDED the NEXUS/SENTRI Program with it “Free of Charge” the Entry into CANADA still requires an interview there, but you’re half the way there, so embrace that and now you don’t hold up the entire process for re-entry into our fair country :)
• Details about getting Denied from the Trusted Traveler Program

What about my Civil Liberties?!?!

First thing I know you’re going to ask is this: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT READ YOUR FINGER PRINTS?! i DONT WANT THE GOV HAVING MY FINGER PRINTS!” Yea. It did.  I know a lot of you will stand up and say “I WILL NOT STAND FOR THE GOVERNMENT HAVING MY INFORMATION!” What I really enjoyed about this initially is that, this is not the TSA but instead if the CBP.   However some things are coming out of this program entirely.    There is a “Trusted Traveler” program which is currently in pilot phase in SOME Airports and SOME Airlines (AA and Delta at the moment) which allows a vetted “Trusted Traveler” to be able to do the following when it comes to the TSA and Domestic Travel (And more details here!)

• Keeping shoes on
• Keeping 3-1-1 compliant bag in carry-on
• Leaving laptop in bag
• Leaving on light outerwear/jacket
• Leaving belt on

So, what I’m seeing here is the potential to not only go through a FAST Lane, similar to that which Service Members, Pilots and Stewardesses do, but I also don’t have to deal with so much crap going on with my bag?! Whoa! Where do I sign up?!? (Apparently, you’re pretty much OPT’d in with Global Entry ;))

Does this mean you are exempt from special screening? Not in the least bit.  People are still ‘randomly’ chosen to have the respective pat down or special screening, but at the least, especially if you’re a real traveler, or go through multi-multi airports a week like I do, adoption of this program will be a GODSEND! OMG! SERIOUSLY AND REALLY!  So the concern of ‘Terrorists’ using this to exploit the system is less-so, and in the respect of Airport Security I won’t go into details about why this is definitely not the avenue to pursue (or even discuss in this forum :))

I’m a Permanent Opt-out Anyway!

Whether you knew this about me or not, this is something I started when I took a traveling role for the community (and for my own health).   I officially became a permanent opt-out, in that if I am not offered the Metal Detector I ALWAYS Opt-out and receive the Pat Down.   And I usually tweet about the results of it, and the respective happy-ending or lack thereof! :)   I’ve received ~30 or so ‘invasive pat downs’ all across the country and have yet to personally experience any major pains, qualms or problems with it.  I’ll share some of my experiences on what I think made it easier.

• I inform them this Opt-Out is about me, not them.   It’s nothing personal, I’m not trying to hold up the lines of ‘prove a point’.   I don’t want to receive the back-scatter because I travel through hundreds of airports and don’t really see the need to do it. Thus establishing myself as a human and not a rebel.
• Usually by them having knowledge that I HAVE been through this before, it tends to go VERY smooth.  I received more than one times “Oh, you’ve been through this before?” I stress that I know they’re doing their job, and I’m just doing mine.    Again, no problem whatsoever yet!
• I try to make them laugh.  Hey, I like to laugh, and at the very least, if you can break through their shell of angry passengers day in and day out, what’s the worst that can happen? :)   I do advise them very firmly I except a good massage because I’m paying for this! And I’ve yet to have a hand go up more than half-way up my thigh.   So apparently I’m doing SOMETHING Right!
• I don’t be a dick about it.    I’ve seen those guys and girls who are total dicks to them.  Guess who TSA tends to deal with a lot? Uppity dicks who try to bring A BELT MADE OF BULLETS THROUGH THE LINE. Day in and day out.  If I’m not a problem for them things can go by VERY smoothly.

What have been some of the results of this ‘experiment’ so far? (An experiment I’ve been documenting EVERY encounter and experience of incase anything goes ‘wrong’)

• My time spent during the pat-down process is usually less than a minute. Yes. Seriously. I get through it faster than people going through the body scanner.  It is LITERALLY that FAST!
• I get a very brief but firm massage (I am a man, and you only get same-gender pat downs ;))
• They’re only doing their job.  And as a business traveler I’m also just doing my job.

Let’s sum this up and rock and roll!

For those of you who follow my exploits know that I went from basically not traveling at all.  To traveling almost every single day, and I’ll tell you.  I enjoy that.  I enjoy my job, I absolutely LOVE my customers and any barriers or roadblocks I can find to help enable that and make it easier I’ll take.

Adoption of these programs does require you to ‘give up your information’, but lets be honest.   Unless you’re a drug trafficker or someone who runs a sketchy investment fund you really shouldn’t have a whole lot in your life to worry about.    Especially if you work for any Fortune 1000 companies, I’d hope your background check doesn’t reveal anything too troubling you wouldn’t be accepted into the program.   And from that point, as you travel you can save yourself a lot of time, heartache, trouble and do what you do best; travel and service your customers and community like a rockstar!

Who do I suggest should check this out? Any of you big time travelers who do even remotely a little Int’l Travel, I mean seriously. $100 to save several hours? Yea, that’s worth it to me.    And once Trusted Traveler takes off and you don’t have to be fondled nearly as much by the TSA? That right there is worth the price of GOLD!    So EMCers, folks in Global Roles, Your frequent and Infrequent travelers, and all of my peers, partners and competitors!     Check this out and see if this is right FOR YOU.   Some of you won’t be able to get past the ‘civil liberties’ parts. I respect that, but please don’t be offended when I blow past you in the ‘fast lane’ and don’t get my junk handled ;) <3 <3 <3

Please share your experiences with this or other programs, or violations by the TSA as well! I’m always constantly vetting and analyzing this data because I’m WAY too much of a geek.   Also if you find GOES and other programs to be successful for you, rock star, and let us all know so we can grow together!

You ever notice how some of your VMs lean a little to the left, or a little to the right? No, of course, you don’t, that’s absolutely ridiculous! :)

But seriously, the matter of VM Disk Alignment is a very serious one which should not be ignored!    Up until this point the means of correcting it was driven around due diligence, and annoying steps to correct existing VMDK, VHD, etc file types.   Well, through the power of UBERism, Nick Weaver rockstar has turned this problem on its side!

In his recent blog post: Straighten up with a new UBER tool : Presenting UBERAlign he outlines, details and takes you through *everything*, Okay seriously my first impression of this?   I saw this originally mentioned in an internal email announcing it, and as I read the high-lights in the email I teared up a little bit (oddly, I’m doing it again!) Why? This is a seriously OMG moment for those of you who have suffered through this problem!   If you don’t know if you suffer from VM Disk alignment? Then, chances are you do. It’s actually that simple ;)   If you know you’ve taken very specific steps to correct alignment, then and only then can you almost ‘ignore’ this, but still I encourage you to check it out!

Some of the highlights and features I’d like to mention! (Stolen directly from Nicks Blog Post, so Nyah! ;))

• Allows for fast alignment checking of virtual machines with detailed logging.
• Can perform alignment to any offset you want. Even the crazy ones that you shouldn’t choose.
• Works with both Windows 2000/XP/2003/2008 (NTFS) and Linux Distros (EXT2/EXT3/EXT4).
• Is able to work on NTFS boot drives perfectly. It does this by rewriting NTFS Metadata (the right way).
• Auto detects Windows 2008 and Windows 7 native installs (alignment not needed). Will not touch a System Reserved Partition (important for Windows 2008).
• Preserves all Windows drive mapping (AFAIK only one to do so). This means no having to remap drive letters and complete support for non “C:\”system drives with some Windows builds (some Citrix stuff).
• Doesn’t trash the NTFS and Boot mirrors like other tools.
• Handles Primary and Extended partitions like it is no big deal on both Windows and Linux.
• Has the ability to handle multiple disks for a VM.
• Multiple disks + Multiple Partitions + Multiple types (primary, logical) + Multiple file systems (NTFS, EXT#) =  no problem
• Also allows for optional Space Reclamation on both NTFS and Ext! That’s right: you can choose to do space reclamation at the same time as an alignment or as a option to itself. This means you can retrieve space no longer used on Thin VM’s using UBERAlign.
  

AND OMG MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE!!!!! Yea seriously!

This is the kind of tool which dreams are made of. Yes, those kind of dreams which often cost a serious amount of money to solve for a problem too! WOWMG FREE?!?! Yea baby. If I’m mistaken there, let me know.. :)

UBERAlign Console 1.1.1 – FTP

UBERAlign vAligner OVA (~500 MB) – FTP 

I highly encourage you check out the original blog post Straighten up with a new UBER tool : Presenting UBERAlign so you can get ALL the details including the videos walking through the use of the tool!    It’s pretty damn exciting, and quite a major epic scale accomplishment!   From Nick’s videos alone you can make walk-through screenshot tutorials on how to do things too! I would, but seriously! Just check out the videos.  If there is enough demand for it… I’ll do that, but hey, you’re lucky I’m writing a blog post in the first place! ;)