You ever been there in a job interview where they might ask (the often contrived) “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”  While I have honestly answered “Celebrating the 5 year anniversary of you asking me this question – Mitch Hedberg” , that doesn’t mean I do not have a ‘serious’ plan; something often overlooked by many who feel stuck and caught in the roles they pursue unable to see beyond the day let alone 5 years or beyond.

It is with no further adieu however, that I inform you I am currently *3* years into my 5 year plan, and I am ON TARGET and ON PATH!

Disclaimer: While I am indeed 3 years into my 5 year plan, I am –4- months into my new role, yea this post was LONG waited ;)

Introducing my new role: Global Cloud & Virtualization Lead, EMC Consulting

Disclaimer: I just call it Global Virtualization Lead because Cloud is waaaaay over used! :)

I know some of you might be saying the following:

• Err, I thought you were already doing that.
• DONT YOU WORK FOR CHAD?
• I THOUGHT YOU WERE A vSPECIALIST
• CAN YOU HELP ME WITH MY COMPUTER IT DOESN’T BOOT WHEN i BARK AT IT.

Yea, or something to that effect. I get that; but the fact of the matter is, I have recently changed roles (August 1st to be exact) and I’ve been busy planning things like #CXIParty and working in the role to actually write this blog post.   I didn’t want you to feel left out and I wanted to share with you some details of what this means for me, you, a ninja named gerald; all of that!

EMC has a Consulting Org?!?

Yea,  can you believe it?  More than just a consulting org but one with a fairly extensive portfolio helping drive major transformation in businesses big and small around the world.    Wow that almost sounds like a pitch, but no. It’s not, but THIS IS! (giggle, no I’m just kidding ;))

I am very fortunate to join this organization and to lead a team of some *extremely* sharp architects, engineers, consultants; VERY Smart people who get technology, business and strategy; All the sauce which makes really cool things possible!    Allow me to help break it down for you a little bit, because… I feel like I’m constantly re-figuring some things out at times so I continue to move in those directions of Yay… :)

For the most part, EMC Consulting is broken up into a few key groupings.   

• Application Infrastructure (Things like App Migrations from Notes->Exchange/Sharepoint, AD Consolidation, AppV/VDI
• A2D2 (App/Dev on .Net, Portal Development on Sharepoint, vFabric, Java/J2EE, Windows Azure, App Testing, etc
• CVDC (Cloud & Virtual Data Center is broken up in to several discrete components)
• Consolidation (Datacenter Transformation, Strategy, Migration, Re-Architecture, Decommissioning)
• Cloud and Virtualization [Hey, that’s me! :)] (Virtual Infrastructure Rapid Transformation, P2V Factories, Operational Readiness, Strategy, etc)
• IT Service Management [ITSM] (IT Service Catalogs, Financial Modeling, ITaaS Transformation)
• Network (Network Design and Consolidation)

There are also other groups which I’m not including here (This is not intended to be a COMPREHENSIVE COMMERCIAL for EMC Consulting) but instead focused more so on my team and what *I* do. Yea, I’m vain like that.

Interestingly though across my team within the CVDC we have a series of solutions and offerings which provide significant overlap.  Which means we work together on a *lot* of things, and let me tell you.   These are some total ROCKSTARS to work with.   Both within the Leadership and to the highest and lowest ranks of the organization.   Which if you know anything about me, rockstardom = yay!

That being the case we’re working on a lot of cross-competency overlap items which are huge today and will also be even further transformational come 2012 (For those of you who are not so familiar with what they may be! :))  A popular item which we’ve spent a fair amount of time working is this little tool called Vblock, maybe you’ve heard of it.   But more than simply being a chunk of hardware, we take it to the Nth degree in scary cool proportions.    Think ‘massive chunk of metal which theoretically can transform your organization’ and add to it the whole depth and breadth of refined methodologies driven by experts in industry to Functionalize, Operationalize, Portalize and Deliver with a clear and conducive Go To Market strategy! (Though not Goat to Market!)

This my dear friends is merely the TIP of the Iceberg, but it has been a ROCKSTAR Journey so far and that journey is going to continue WELL into 2012.

Where has this role taken you so far?

I know a number of you follow my Foursquare history among any other number of Services out there where you see WHAT I’m doing and WHERE I am.     Here is a basic sampling of some of the places I’ve been since I took on this new role.  I’ll also try to do this Chronologically. :)   This is also just part of the journey.   This will continue.  Oh and FYI.  With proper justification and good reason…  I could always visit you (if you’re a customer ;)) If there’s a User Group or something you’d like me to attend as well, so long as I can get a meeting in the area I could probably attend! :)

• Hartford, Connecticut
• Las Vegas (VMworld! :))
• Detroit, Michigan
• Memphis, Tennessee
• Los Angeles, California
• Franklin, Massachusetts
• Bangalore, India (With Stopovers in Frankfurt, Germany; and Dubai – but only in the airport)
• Singapore (With a return stop over for an hour in Japan)
• Boston, Massachusetts
• New York City, New York

Where will the future take me? I already know I’ll be going to the following

• Seattle (Well, Redmond) Washington
• Vancouver, Canada
• Kansas City (I’m not sure Kansas or Missouri ;))
• And who knows where else for the rest of the year.

So as you can probably tell … Yea, you’ll see a whole series on “Optimal Traveling tools” and further tips and tricks beyond my recent “Accelerate Intl Travel and Airport tips to avoid getting fondled by the TSA!” post I put out! :)

What to expect from you in this new role

I know that some of you are still waiting for my Career Blog Post, 2012 Predictions, Details on your Book coming out Dec 6th, EMC Consulting Exposed, and any other number of blog posts which you can clearly know and expect.  Yea, that’ll be coming.  As will also my break out to my trip to India where I introduce you to my India Team! And my local North America – where I introduce you to them too! :)

And now, so I don’t have an excuse to PUT publishing this off any more. I’m going to run with it.  You can find out the rest later, Cats off to ya! :)

I was talking with the infamous Steve Kaplan @roidude about travel after he mentioned getting a “Checkpoint Friendly” approved TSA Bag!

So knowing he has a tendency to travel, as I know a number of you do as well, I asked if he was familiar with the “Trusted Traveler” program.   And as more and more of you are not familiar with Trusted Traveler or the GOES Program, I think it’s time to shout it out from the mountain tops! Time for the scoop!

Welcome to Global Entry

You ever re-enter the US after a long time away, or even only a few days and you get to the Customs and Immigrations lines and it looks like that photo above.   It’s a pretty normal sight, it HAPPENS, and now for the next 30-60 minutes you’re going to stand in line to answer a few questions so you can go pick up your bag from the baggage claim and then have to enter ANOTHER line looking almost identical to this one!

Well, On my recent return to the US from Asia… this is what I was awaited

“What?! Seriously!?” Yes. Let me walk you through this.    I walk down this long path and line with a bunch of people all categorizing themselves into various lines, and instead of going into those lines I walk up to a computer terminal like this.   I put my Passport on the thing to read, and press firmly 4 of my fingers onto the Biometric scanner.   Then I answer several Customs form type questions as presented on the screen and I’m presented with a piece of paper to bring to the Immigration line.    If my print-out had an “X” on it, I’d have to go through special screening at the check point, but if it doesn’t (usually) then I simply go to my line which has NO ONE in it, hand them the paper and my passport and walk on through to pick up my luggage.

I know what you’re saying “WTF?! YOU JUST WALKED ON PAST?!?!?” Yea. but wait, there’s more!    At this point, I have to wait for my luggage to come out of the baggage claim (If I was traveling in a short amount of time I’d carry on everything but this was Asia so I checked a massive bag for my 2 week trip)

This was the part which totally SOLD me on this!   With my bag in hand, I go and to the “Global Entry” line, which is right next to the line where Pilots and Stewardesses stand in.  All around me are lines with hundreds of people back, and my line is ME. Where they take me BEFORE THE PILOTS! OMG OMG OMG right?!?   And then.. I’m done! I’m home free! YAY!!!!! What happened there? I shaved anywhere from 30-90 minutes off of my time spent standing in lines and dealing with trouble.   And it could be even MORE time depending upon how many flights get in at the very same time!

What does it take to JOIN the Global Entry Program?

Allow me to walk you through what it took for me to get into this program!   I was in Los Angeles at a meeting when I first heard about this program and all of the various successes of it decided to go check it out!   I went online to the Global Entry website and clicked “Apply Today”  I filled out this lengthy questionnaire of various facts about myself, things I needed to confirm and validate (Passport # was a challenge since I didn’t have it with me, but I found my PP# saved in an email from getting VISAs) So then I finished all of the steps involved, and paid $100 for the application.  This is a non-reimbursable amount, if for whatever reason I was rejected [Block against me as a citizen, seen as a threat, felony or warrants, etc] I’d basically lose that $100 bucks!

About a week later I receive an email that I was ‘approved’ in the background check it offered and to schedule my in-person Interview.   Initially I book my interview for a Friday morning in Boston (Because I was in Boston and heading back to Chicago) but not knowing my way around that airport I decided to reschedule it for the following afternoon in Chicago.    Oh, when I rescheduled it was 3hrs before I was flying to Frankfurt, so I not only was I going to be going out of the country but having this ‘benefit’ would totally rock when coming back INTO the country. What happened next surprised even ME!

The Interview Process

I arrive at my Interview in the Homeland Security Office of CBP (Customs Border Patrol) at the O’Hare International Airport.   I’m early, they do not take me early though.  My appointment is for 3:00PM (I arrived at 2:30PM) They take me at my appointed time.    Taken back into the Interview area, it’s me and a Homeland Security officer.   She asks me questions about information I filled out in my application, and validates it against information I have.    The paperwork says I need to bring paystubs and other proofs of address and residence.  In this case, my Passport and my Drivers License were good enough, so my other pieces of information went unused.    The questions are in no way incriminating and are VERY straight forward.   She takes my passport and places a CBP sticker in the back of the passport book.   This lets the CBP know who I am, and approves me for entry.   The RFID tag inside of my Passport is cataloged into the system, and then they take a picture of me for Nexus/SENTRI (The card of which says “Trusted Traveler” on it).  During this process she takes my finger prints using this digital fingerprinting device.   After all of that is settled, she takes me over to one of those computers like I have in the pictures above, and I test it by answering questions just like I’d normally encounter when entering the country.  It properly scans my passport and confirms my finger prints are mine and not someone else’s.    And then it prints out a piece of paper and I’m done!    She informs me that I should receive my Nexus/SENTRI card in the mail but that is only for GROUND Transport, but once I return back into the states I’m done and can proceed through the Global Entry lanes! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!

Takeaways

• I paid $100 for an online application process
• This handles background checks, categorization and validating you are in fact not a ‘threat’.  Most business travelers fall into this category
• Within a week I was able to schedule an interview
• IMMEDIATELY following the Interview I was registered and available to RE-ENTER the country under Global Entry (Valid for 5 years)
• This INCLUDED the NEXUS/SENTRI Program with it “Free of Charge” the Entry into CANADA still requires an interview there, but you’re half the way there, so embrace that and now you don’t hold up the entire process for re-entry into our fair country :)
• Details about getting Denied from the Trusted Traveler Program

What about my Civil Liberties?!?!

First thing I know you’re going to ask is this: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT READ YOUR FINGER PRINTS?! i DONT WANT THE GOV HAVING MY FINGER PRINTS!” Yea. It did.  I know a lot of you will stand up and say “I WILL NOT STAND FOR THE GOVERNMENT HAVING MY INFORMATION!” What I really enjoyed about this initially is that, this is not the TSA but instead if the CBP.   However some things are coming out of this program entirely.    There is a “Trusted Traveler” program which is currently in pilot phase in SOME Airports and SOME Airlines (AA and Delta at the moment) which allows a vetted “Trusted Traveler” to be able to do the following when it comes to the TSA and Domestic Travel (And more details here!)

• Keeping shoes on
• Keeping 3-1-1 compliant bag in carry-on
• Leaving laptop in bag
• Leaving on light outerwear/jacket
• Leaving belt on

So, what I’m seeing here is the potential to not only go through a FAST Lane, similar to that which Service Members, Pilots and Stewardesses do, but I also don’t have to deal with so much crap going on with my bag?! Whoa! Where do I sign up?!? (Apparently, you’re pretty much OPT’d in with Global Entry ;))

Does this mean you are exempt from special screening? Not in the least bit.  People are still ‘randomly’ chosen to have the respective pat down or special screening, but at the least, especially if you’re a real traveler, or go through multi-multi airports a week like I do, adoption of this program will be a GODSEND! OMG! SERIOUSLY AND REALLY!  So the concern of ‘Terrorists’ using this to exploit the system is less-so, and in the respect of Airport Security I won’t go into details about why this is definitely not the avenue to pursue (or even discuss in this forum :))

I’m a Permanent Opt-out Anyway!

Whether you knew this about me or not, this is something I started when I took a traveling role for the community (and for my own health).   I officially became a permanent opt-out, in that if I am not offered the Metal Detector I ALWAYS Opt-out and receive the Pat Down.   And I usually tweet about the results of it, and the respective happy-ending or lack thereof! :)   I’ve received ~30 or so ‘invasive pat downs’ all across the country and have yet to personally experience any major pains, qualms or problems with it.  I’ll share some of my experiences on what I think made it easier.

• I inform them this Opt-Out is about me, not them.   It’s nothing personal, I’m not trying to hold up the lines of ‘prove a point’.   I don’t want to receive the back-scatter because I travel through hundreds of airports and don’t really see the need to do it. Thus establishing myself as a human and not a rebel.
• Usually by them having knowledge that I HAVE been through this before, it tends to go VERY smooth.  I received more than one times “Oh, you’ve been through this before?” I stress that I know they’re doing their job, and I’m just doing mine.    Again, no problem whatsoever yet!
• I try to make them laugh.  Hey, I like to laugh, and at the very least, if you can break through their shell of angry passengers day in and day out, what’s the worst that can happen? :)   I do advise them very firmly I except a good massage because I’m paying for this! And I’ve yet to have a hand go up more than half-way up my thigh.   So apparently I’m doing SOMETHING Right!
• I don’t be a dick about it.    I’ve seen those guys and girls who are total dicks to them.  Guess who TSA tends to deal with a lot? Uppity dicks who try to bring A BELT MADE OF BULLETS THROUGH THE LINE. Day in and day out.  If I’m not a problem for them things can go by VERY smoothly.

What have been some of the results of this ‘experiment’ so far? (An experiment I’ve been documenting EVERY encounter and experience of incase anything goes ‘wrong’)

• My time spent during the pat-down process is usually less than a minute. Yes. Seriously. I get through it faster than people going through the body scanner.  It is LITERALLY that FAST!
• I get a very brief but firm massage (I am a man, and you only get same-gender pat downs ;))
• They’re only doing their job.  And as a business traveler I’m also just doing my job.

Let’s sum this up and rock and roll!

For those of you who follow my exploits know that I went from basically not traveling at all.  To traveling almost every single day, and I’ll tell you.  I enjoy that.  I enjoy my job, I absolutely LOVE my customers and any barriers or roadblocks I can find to help enable that and make it easier I’ll take.

Adoption of these programs does require you to ‘give up your information’, but lets be honest.   Unless you’re a drug trafficker or someone who runs a sketchy investment fund you really shouldn’t have a whole lot in your life to worry about.    Especially if you work for any Fortune 1000 companies, I’d hope your background check doesn’t reveal anything too troubling you wouldn’t be accepted into the program.   And from that point, as you travel you can save yourself a lot of time, heartache, trouble and do what you do best; travel and service your customers and community like a rockstar!

Who do I suggest should check this out? Any of you big time travelers who do even remotely a little Int’l Travel, I mean seriously. $100 to save several hours? Yea, that’s worth it to me.    And once Trusted Traveler takes off and you don’t have to be fondled nearly as much by the TSA? That right there is worth the price of GOLD!    So EMCers, folks in Global Roles, Your frequent and Infrequent travelers, and all of my peers, partners and competitors!     Check this out and see if this is right FOR YOU.   Some of you won’t be able to get past the ‘civil liberties’ parts. I respect that, but please don’t be offended when I blow past you in the ‘fast lane’ and don’t get my junk handled ;) <3 <3 <3

Please share your experiences with this or other programs, or violations by the TSA as well! I’m always constantly vetting and analyzing this data because I’m WAY too much of a geek.   Also if you find GOES and other programs to be successful for you, rock star, and let us all know so we can grow together!

You ever notice how some of your VMs lean a little to the left, or a little to the right? No, of course, you don’t, that’s absolutely ridiculous! :)

But seriously, the matter of VM Disk Alignment is a very serious one which should not be ignored!    Up until this point the means of correcting it was driven around due diligence, and annoying steps to correct existing VMDK, VHD, etc file types.   Well, through the power of UBERism, Nick Weaver rockstar has turned this problem on its side!

In his recent blog post: Straighten up with a new UBER tool : Presenting UBERAlign he outlines, details and takes you through *everything*, Okay seriously my first impression of this?   I saw this originally mentioned in an internal email announcing it, and as I read the high-lights in the email I teared up a little bit (oddly, I’m doing it again!) Why? This is a seriously OMG moment for those of you who have suffered through this problem!   If you don’t know if you suffer from VM Disk alignment? Then, chances are you do. It’s actually that simple ;)   If you know you’ve taken very specific steps to correct alignment, then and only then can you almost ‘ignore’ this, but still I encourage you to check it out!

Some of the highlights and features I’d like to mention! (Stolen directly from Nicks Blog Post, so Nyah! ;))

• Allows for fast alignment checking of virtual machines with detailed logging.
• Can perform alignment to any offset you want. Even the crazy ones that you shouldn’t choose.
• Works with both Windows 2000/XP/2003/2008 (NTFS) and Linux Distros (EXT2/EXT3/EXT4).
• Is able to work on NTFS boot drives perfectly. It does this by rewriting NTFS Metadata (the right way).
• Auto detects Windows 2008 and Windows 7 native installs (alignment not needed). Will not touch a System Reserved Partition (important for Windows 2008).
• Preserves all Windows drive mapping (AFAIK only one to do so). This means no having to remap drive letters and complete support for non “C:\”system drives with some Windows builds (some Citrix stuff).
• Doesn’t trash the NTFS and Boot mirrors like other tools.
• Handles Primary and Extended partitions like it is no big deal on both Windows and Linux.
• Has the ability to handle multiple disks for a VM.
• Multiple disks + Multiple Partitions + Multiple types (primary, logical) + Multiple file systems (NTFS, EXT#) =  no problem
• Also allows for optional Space Reclamation on both NTFS and Ext! That’s right: you can choose to do space reclamation at the same time as an alignment or as a option to itself. This means you can retrieve space no longer used on Thin VM’s using UBERAlign.
  

AND OMG MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE!!!!! Yea seriously!

This is the kind of tool which dreams are made of. Yes, those kind of dreams which often cost a serious amount of money to solve for a problem too! WOWMG FREE?!?! Yea baby. If I’m mistaken there, let me know.. :)

UBERAlign Console 1.1.1 – FTP

UBERAlign vAligner OVA (~500 MB) – FTP 

I highly encourage you check out the original blog post Straighten up with a new UBER tool : Presenting UBERAlign so you can get ALL the details including the videos walking through the use of the tool!    It’s pretty damn exciting, and quite a major epic scale accomplishment!   From Nick’s videos alone you can make walk-through screenshot tutorials on how to do things too! I would, but seriously! Just check out the videos.  If there is enough demand for it… I’ll do that, but hey, you’re lucky I’m writing a blog post in the first place! ;)

Whether this is your first VMworld or you are a hardcore veteran with scars on your ankles to prove it.   The following series of tips should prove useful so you can have not only the most enjoyable and educational time, you also won’t need to get shin splints halfway through the journey!

Tips

• BRING BUSINESS CARDS
  1. It goes without saying, but seriously I’m going to say it AGAIN and AGAIN. [I have 1000 cards on order just so I have some…]  Bring business cards! You’re going to meet and network with a lot of people.  Oh yea, and there are some contests which for some reason will want your business card instead of using a scanner… so bring business cards, you’ll seem semi-professional and you can ‘exchange’ cards that way! oh yea and BRING BUSINESS CARDS!!!
• Leave your laptop in your room
  1. Exceptions: If you are going to be live blogging an event, bring your laptop.   If you are going to be live video streaming an event, bring your laptop.   If you unfortunately have to WORK during the show and need to VPN or Webex into something, bring your laptop.  If you are going to a session where you know for a FACT you’re going to / need to take notes which require you to use your laptop, then bring your laptop.   Otherwise.  Leave your damn laptop in your room!  It’s cumbersome, it’ll be heavy, and it’s one more thing to have to watch out for / get lost (which none of us want that!)
• Wear Comfortable Shoes
  • I know you want to look sexy in your sexxxxxxxy shoes! We all do!    But if you know you’re going to be walking on Concrete that day or do a LOT of walking and standing… maybe there is a better time and place to sexxify yourself! [Yes… on some days *I* will be wearing these… which are my sexy+business shoes, but other days, I’ll be wearing my marathon running shoes because it IS a marathon out there.

• Always Carry Water with you! [As suggested by @Texiwill]
  • Albeit we WILL be in Vegas but this applies anywhere, even when you’re NOT in the middle of the desert!   So do bring water, your body will appreciate it when trying to hydrate and stay fluid in your ability to remember, retain information and… keep going!   I would often carry a number of un-opened bottles with me incase someone else was thirsty, cmon spread the love around!
• Don’t worry about what you wear
  • You might say ‘Oh no, should I wear that one wacky t-shirt or the other wacky t-shirt.   Unless you’re interviewing at the show or looking to be on the market [Some T-shirts will promote that ;)]  Just wear something comfortable.  I personally half the show will be wearing a suit. …. with cat ears.    So seriously. Just get out there and enjoy ;) [Except for the shoes, wear good shoes!]
• Try to take swag you want, your kids want, your coworkers want
  • Swag is a rare commodity, did you know that? It can build or destroy relationships [bringing home 2 balls when you have 3 kids… yea destroy ;)]   There is also a FINITE amount of SWAG between T-shirts, random balls and squishy things, [there are infinite pens so don’t worry about that] or iPads.   Just because they’re offering up something think about who will want it at the end of the day.  I personally will end up NOT taking home a lot of swag because I can’t fit this crap in my luggage! So I choose wisely.
  • The T-Shirt rule doesn’t apply to you guys who intentionally pack NO shirts so you can wear swag shirts every day. Good for you!
• Car Pool in Cabs to and from the airport or to Hotels or Parties
  • Seriously, don’t be the guy who takes a cab solo.    For one thing you’ll pay the full bill, for another thing there are a finite number of cabs even if it seems infinite.    Make some new friends, car pool if you’re all going to the same place [TIP: IF PEOPLE ARE WEARING A BADGE… THEY’RE ALSO THERE FOR VMWORLD ;)]  So Car pool away! It’s good for the environment and the economy!
  • Car pool in cabs from the airport, I need to call out specifically.  The cab line at the airport to get to the hotels is FRICKING LONG OMG.   So do yourself a favor and lump yourself together with a bunch of other geek looking guys, it’ll save you a lot of heartache and you’re bound to make a friend along the way!

Tricks

• Bring a Portable Charger with you [Also acceptable, bring a plug-in charger for your mobile device]
  • That device I speak of is called a ‘friend maker’.  If you have an iPhone charger and someone has a dead or dying iPhone [Let’s be serious, everyone’s iPhone is immediately starting to lose charge the instant you take it off the outlet ;)]   This will let YOU survive to find what’s going on where, as well as help someone ELSE survive as well!  The same could apply for various Android and their ‘standardized’ connections across vendors.    My portable kit would support every type of connection!
• Enter contests to WIN!
  • Obviously you’re entering the contest to win, right?  No.  You’re not.   Contests at Tradeshows are a very unique science and if you’re looking to win you need to enter to WIN it!    A few tips for the wonderful sponsors, vendors and exhibitors on the show floor.    These guys out there have three ways to draw your attention.    Having good technology which really draws you in to want to talk about it.   Something shiny or pretty which lures you over long enough to enter into a conversation about it.  Or a prize which brings you over which you’d otherwise ignore their booth entirely!
  • I *only* accept shirts I will actually wear or happen to look really cool [see prior statement] but I’ll enter to win an iPad from ANY booth, I mean I deserve it right? [and so should you :)]    With that said, do not hesitate to enter into ALL of the drawings to try to win!   I mean after all we’re all winners right?  But what I’ve also learned over the years, if you want to increase your chance of winning take heed of the following few tricks.
    • When they have ‘must be present to win’ and it’s done by a random raffle number or drawing which has no distinction of WHO entered other than an arbitrary number, your chances of winning are in the clear!
    • If a smaller exhibitor has one of these must be present to win contests. BE PRESENT AND WIN.  I was in one of those last year with –4- people who showed up. Yea I didn’t typo that, and no WTF I didn’t win?! 1-4 and I didn’t win?!?! but seriously consider that, your odds can be AMAZING as opposed to just being another name in an excel spreadsheet :)
    • Bose headphones are crap!  Okay, seriously. I’ve won –17- of these Bose headphones over the years, WTF is that! And I just give them to someone to sell because I really like my $5 headphones which rock it out [though I may be replacing them soon, and/or having a contest at #CXIParty for these badboys!
    • There is no shame in simply telling them that you have no interest in their product and just want to win their prize, but do give them the benefit of the doubt they may have some new technology they’re going to introduce you to!   They’re real people too! Oh and sidebar. I love Intel and all, but their games of ‘talk to 5 people and you could win a pen’ sorry guys, that is annoying to no end, do not play their games ;)
  • I look forward to each of you winning an iPad or whatever happens to be the ‘toy’ of the show this year.  Maybe some kind of Android tablet [yea, as if! ;)]
• Visit the EMC Booths to WIN
  • Disclaimer: This not a shill to get you to visit EMC booths
    • *I* Cannot win prizes from EMC it’s sad but I cannot, *shakes fist in the air* but YOU can.   There’s one thing I’ve noticed from attending conferences like VMworld or EMCworld where EMC has a large presence, and that is OMG EMC GIVES AWAY A LOT OF SWAG.   If they have 10 booths giving away iPads, that’s –10- different chances to win an iPad, OMG SERIOUSLY!?!  Yea you can imagine my dismay that I am unable to win one of those.  But you… you still can.   Which is why I encourage you to visit the hell out of these booths “Run a lab, enter to win an iPad” “Listen to us talk jibber jabber, enter to win an iPad” “blah blah blah, win an iPad” I mean seriously!   GET IN THERE!  I clearly won’t be doing that because *I* cannot win one being that I work here, but you have that opportunity like no other!   I would call out OTHERs who do this, but no other vendor has this vested interest in Apple Products as much as we do, so take advantage of it :)
• Don’t be afraid to ask if you can attend the Party
  • You ever go to ~10 Parties in one night? It can be exhausting.   My Party going started a looooong time ago while attending Microsoft TechEd conferences.  You know how I found out about the parties originally? I asked.   Just ask, and don’t hesitate to ask OTHERS if they know of any good parties going on.   I personally will see someone standing at a trade show looking like a lost lamb ready to be consume by wolves and will say to them, “You look like you don’t know there are any parties going on!” Typically they won’t, and I’ll hook them up with various parties.  Why?  Because you deserve to go to a damn party!
  • You know how the parties work [In spite of how this is operated by the Marketing People of these orgs which is a total fail]   Typically they will invite CUSTOMERS to their parties as an appreciation for them being a customer.  But you, you’re not a customer yet are you.  No, you’re not.  You may not know enough about the product, hell you may know everything and are signing off on it next week, but they don’t know that… No… they’re planning to invite customers because they don’t know the prospects.   Well, every single one of you can ALWAYS be a customer, and damn straight you should attend a rocking party as a result!
    • Caveats: Community Parties like VMUG parties or #CXIParty don’t care if you’re a customer, partner, competitor or ninja.   So ask, or if you’re afraid to ask, find me and I’ll ask for you.   Many of them will have ‘full venues’ but that has never stopped me before, grin.
• OMG I WANT TO ATTEND THESE 3 SESSIONS ALL RUNNING AT THE SAME TIME.
  • You guys know that the sessions are available after the fact in video+PDF format, right? Seriously? You know that right?!?!  Don’t kill yourself to attend a session which is full or 2 1/2 miles from where you are that you forgo eating just to get there on time….
• What sessions to attend EVERY time!
  • I know my friends who are presenting the sessions are going to hate me for this… but hey, that’s why this is a ‘trick’ and not a tip ;)
    • If you KNOW or are fairly certain to believe there will be ‘interaction’ during the session. SHOW UP.  You cannot get interaction from a recorded version
    • If the session has something EXTREMELY applicable to something you’re doing right now, and also YOU have specific questions you want to ask about it, Definitely show up.  Hitting up a speaker after a session can make the difference between success and OMG WTF WHERE IS THE NUMBER FOR SUPPORT!!!
    • If the session has something you can win?! [yea that happens sometimes] … I encourage you to show up ;)
    • If the session has total a ROCK STAR presenting like Scott Lowe, Duncan Epping, Chad Sakac, or Dave McCrory – Run do not WALK to get to those sessions and make sure you’re signed up early for them!
• Sit with people you don’t know during lunch, and talk
  • WTF is this blasphemy!  Okay fine, sit with maybe ONE friend and a whole new table at lunch.   How often do you get to meet ‘likeminded people’ who clearly share a mutual interest.  No this isn’t some cruel and sick speed dating thing, this is VMworld where people are clearly there for a lot of the same reasons.  Take advantage of that and talk to them about what THEY’RE doing. It may be the same, they may be doing something OMG so cool you’ll wonder why you’re not doing that!   You know… fun stuff like that!    So talk, talk, talk!   These might be the only opportunities you get to meet these folks, in this informal setting because talking during sessions is impolite!
• Make 5 new friends
  • A charter I have for #CXIParty is you must make 5 new friends.   You’re at a conference with LOTS of people who share your same interest, the least you can do is MAKE A FRIEND.   It’s not that hard, it’s a true bonding experience and a great opportunity to build lasting relationships!   And if you cannot forge a solid friendship out of it, the least you can do is meet some new folks, maybe have a new ‘acquaintance’ that’s cool right? Don’t want to infringe upon your strict ‘no friends’ policy! I know how GRC works! ;)
• …What do you mean people there are HIRING?!?!
  • If you’ve read anything I’ve written in the past, surprisingly for as popular and fun as Virtualization may be… there are still LOTS of opportunity for people with those skill-sets.  Oh, and did you know that many of them will be HERE at the show looking to HIRE or network with those folks to hire later? yea, crazy, right?   Also if you’re in that market looking to BE hired, let me know and I can hook you up.  I personally know MANY of the folks looking to hire people so I can make sure those doors are swung open, maybe you can even interview there at the show! [Please refer back to dress-code as it applies to interviewing then ;)]
• Only carry what you need
  • This is a general ‘pick-pocket’ city rule.     If you have a wallet with ‘x’ number of credit cards, pick the ones you need MOST and leave the rest somewhere safe [At home, or in the hotel/safe]  To re-enforce that, let me give you an example of things you NEED and things you DONT need
    • NEED: Credit Card, Cash, ID [Passport, State ID or License, not ALL three with you though] Insurance Card, BUSINESS CARDS, Players club card from the Casino! – Just give them your ID and they’ll make one for you…  If you’re going to be playing at ALL get one ;)
    • DON’T NEED:  Library Card, Membership card to some arbitrarily local thing which doesn’t apply here, blah blah blah
  • Now I want you to seriously think about it.  If you lost your wallet how many of these items would it HURT to lose and how many would be ANNOYING to lose.  Losing ID sucks as does losing credit cards and cash, but losing the wallet normally makes that happen.  The other misc don’t need items is just insult to injury in annoyance.   Ride thin and keep only what you need on you.
• Write your name in something you own
  • Once upon a time [okay a few months ago] I got a phone call from the Las Vegas airport asking if I had lost my Notebook there.  Having not been to Vegas in some time, I did not.   They had found a notebook which had MY business card in it!   I knew there was an internal VMware meeting going on that week and I knew who I had given my card to, so I took down the information and tracked down who the notebook belonged to.    If his name was WRITTEN in the notebook or similarly on whatever item it was, they could have contacted him directly.   The point is… take ownership of what belongs to you and you have a vested interest in :)
• Enjoy yourself!
  • This conference is about you.  Not the Partners/Vendors/Sponsors [As much as they may want to think it is] nor even the speakers because if they had no one to speak to, they’d just be people on a podium!   Get out there, ASK the questions you want to ask because people do want to hear from you.   LEARN what you want to learn, WIN what you can win :)   And Enjoy yourself!

See you at #CXIParty and throughout the entire show! Be sure to come say hi of course! :)

#CXIParty at VMworld hosted by @CXI and @NexusMN – After Welcome Reception

First of all, let this be your official invitation to come! If you haven’t been to an EMC Forum before they’re epic experiences rivaled only by the likes of your own dream wedding, or one of those lucid dreamlike experiences where you can fly!  Err… Maybe I’m over-selling it a bit, but no seriously. :)   It’s a great time, lots of learning to be had, networking to be experienced, and lots of prizes to be won (and demos to see?!)

Ooh.. and here I’ll put in quotes the … “Marketing Slick” type of things how they perceive it to be.. and of course I’ll give you my honest impression following that as well, just to keep it real! :)

EMC Forum 2011: Cloud Meets Big Data
Chicago – Hyatt Regency O’Hare
Tuesday, July 19, 2011; 8:00AM – 4:30PM

Learn more & register here

Join us at the EMC Forum where you’ll learn how cloud computing is transforming IT and discover new ways to accelerate the journey to your cloud for increased IT efficiency and greater business agility.  You’ll also learn how Big Data is transforming business and changing the world.

 

 

• Learn about the latest trends and developments in information infrastructure including cloud computing and big data.
• Understand the new roles and processes required to drive lasting change in your organization.
• Discover market-leading solutions that combine hardware, software, and services to meet the needs of any size business.
• Connect with leading cloud and big data experts and network with your peers.

Make your plans now to join EMC and our partners along with other IT and business leaders.  Don’t miss this opportunity to learn how you can transform your IT organization, transform your business, and accelerate your career.

KEYNOTE SPEAKER

Sujal Patel, Founder of Isilon® and President of EMC Isilon Storage Division

In 2001 Patel founded Isilon with the vision that big data would soon necessitate a shift away from traditional storage architectures and toward a new, scale-out paradigm. Today this vision has become a reality as scale-out network-attached storage (NAS) has emerged as the de facto storage platform for big data. Patel continues to lead Isilon’s business in enabling its customers to turn big data challenges into even bigger opportunities.

My Honest Take

I’ve been to these things in the past, and let me tell you they know how to hit it out of the park!  Whether through direct engagement (Conversations with peers, partners, vendors, friends) Attending sessions (expertise, the Q/A, others experiencing your same kind of problems) or just taking it all in; you will walk away from this event with a lot more than you came to it with!   Personally, I would find myself engaged in so many conversations on every topic under the sun (Or Cloud?! … Bad pun! :)) that it’d take me literally hours just to walk a few feet.    I honestly look forward to this level and type of engagement when it comes back around, fun times are had by all, and the raffle prizes? I cannot win them, but they’re pretty sweet! Definitely play the game ;)

I encourage you to attend, and at the very least you can say hi to me! (Whoa! Vanity ploy! giggle :))  I’m always happy to discuss…   frankly any topic :)

Learn more & register here